10 Signs Your Ego is in Control | Simple Life Strategies

10 Signs Your Ego is in Control


If you have ever caught yourself behaving in a way that makes you cringe then it’s likely your ego is to blame.

The ego can be tricky to manage – if we’re not careful it will sneak right up behind us when we least expect it, and before we know it we’re acting in ways that we know deep down are not for our best benefit.

What is the ego?

There are many different definitions of the ego, all of which can get quite complex. My personal take on the ego is that it’s the part of us that feels the need to be special. It’s that part of us that seeks approval – and by very definition it is a part of us that feels lacking in some way. This is why I know that the ego is not my friend.

The easiest way to determine if your ego is at play is to ask one of these two questions:

* Do I feel superior to others?
* Do I feel inferior to others?

If you answered yes to either of the above questions then it’s likely your ego is in the driving seat. This is because the ego is somewhat of a contradiction.

The ego is not just about arrogance

Many people hold a belief that if you have a big ego then this means you are arrogant and over-confident. There is this idea that your level of ego is relative to how much you love yourself. While this can often be the case – as I mentioned earlier if you are feeling superior to others then this is definitely your ego at play, but the ego also makes us feel inferior at times.

The ego and inferiority

Have you ever felt like you’re just not good enough? Have you ever looked at someone else and thought – I wish I was as good as they are? If you have (and let’s face it most people have done this) then this is also an example of being caught in the clutches of your ego.

Being right and the ego

Another sure fire way to tell if you’re being led by your ego is to notice if you’re desperate to be right. When you’re caught in an argument what are you fighting for? Are you genuinely making a point or are you arguing to prove that you’re right? Someone very wise once said to me:

“You can be happy…..or you can be right.”

This is a great question to ask yourself next time you’re caught in the throws of an argument. Or are you willing to sacrifice your own personal happiness just so that you can make your ego happy by being right?

Simple Life Strategy: 10 Signs Your Ego is in Control

So what can you do to combat your ego? The first step is awareness – you need to start to become aware of when you’re ego is playing up so you can stop it before it’s too late!

Here are 10 sure fire signs that your ego is in control:

1. You feel elevated from gossiping about other people’s flaws

2. You find yourself in a feisty discussion and you just can’t back down until you have ‘won’ the argument

3. You constantly compare yourself to other people who you feel are better than you (better looking, more intelligent, happier, more wealthy)

4. You constantly compare yourself to people who you feel are not as good as you (less intelligent, lower status)

5. You feel jealous when other people do well

6. You talk about yourself for 10 minutes before asking another how they are

7. You’d rather win than do your best

8. You often sulk when you don’t win that sports game or work challenge (instead of being proud of your attempt to do your best)

9. You set yourself impossible goals and then beat yourself up when you don’t reach them

10. You blame others when things don’t go your way


When do you notice your ego getting out of control? Share your story by leaving a reply at the bottom of this post.

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44 Comments. Leave new

your ego is at play when you feel that you have been chosen for another. i was in a midstream of choosing a cancer doctor for my breast ca. i made it known to both of them that i was still making a decision. the one i didn’t choose made an enemy out of me and the one i choose simply told me i can still ask him questions even in the case i didn’t choose him. that’s how i made my decision.

the one with the controlled ego, gets the grade!


hi I like that remark,,,,”he made an enemy out of me”,,i’m 16 months in to cancer treatment for myeloma,,treatable,not curable,,in the context of this web site,ego,,biggest difficiulty has interactions with doctors and nurse,,i kinda want it both ways,,i want them to like me,,and up until now I’ve been ok about them making,medical decisions,,but now I want more say,,In it,,i keep swinging,from ego dominate them,,to ego,,people pleaser,,,my treatment is going well,,hope your doing well to,,simon,,53 old,,


Wow Suz, what a great test! I love how you made your decision. A Cancer Doctor with an unhealthy ego is not a good combination! They need to be only thinking of you and what’s best for you. I wish you a happy and healthy recovery.
Zoe B


Sometimes being right is very important. Like when you are advocating for someone else’s care, e.g. nursing home or foster care. Disagreeing without being disagreeable is one good idea. Some people can say the opposite of what I’m saying and do it in a way that doesn’t offend me. I wish I could be like that.


Hi Benn,

I think there’s a difference between ‘being right’ and ‘making decisions based on someone else’s best interests.’ ‘Being right’ tends to be more about the self whereas it sounds like the example you give is more about making the ‘right’ decision for someone who you are caring for. I do get your point though – it’s important for a surgeon to ‘be right’ when he is in surgery! I guess the context I was talking about what is ‘being right’ in a discussion or argument.

Thanks for the comment 😉

Zoe B


I really appreciate this article. You have pointed out some much needed attention to my self improvement. This posting has touched me in a way I believe words cannot describe. I am happy. Thank you.


Good to hear Domingo :)

Well done you for deciding to improve yourself.

Zoe B


Why it leaves me extremely disturbed and upset for very long whenever there is an altercation takes place with someone especially an unknown person.Also how do I control body tremor, which is very intense,in a heated situation.

Adithya Bandari
April 15, 2014 9:00 pm

As far I know I feel I am the most vulnerable beast to ego on the earth. I am extremely disturbed and I am almost neglected by my fellow mates. Would you please suggest me some tips. Mine is a worst story. My English is bad, but still I feel I am a best poet in the world. I have normal knowledge. However, I feel I am the most intelligent, more than my professors too. I hope you intelligent people ( in fact I feel very jealous to call you so) help me…

Thank you friends!!!


Wow! I think you’ve just about got your ego under your control if you can open up like that and know you’ve got an issue. Well done!


I always feel that I am not being heard or not good enough. As a result, I separate myself from others because I tend to say that they don’t understand me and that I am just too complicated. In relationships, I feel like I am not worthy of being loved so I avoid them, run or just plain old freak out and so I am alone. I am just starting to understand that I have to value myself worth and by doing so I am starting to learn about me and who I am. Please give me any support to assist me because I am on my journey of humbleness and want so desperately to be happy and at peace with myself. I would like to learn how to lead by example and how I think best to do this is by first loving myself, which will make it easy for me to love others.


@coco j.
Still today, I have the same feeling of being not only misunderstood but misconceived as an individual. There has been many family members, friends, and therapist that have tried to help me become aware of “ME”, who I am, how I feel, think, act, etc. But today I can say the reason I feel, think, and act how I do, is because of the lack of attention I have recieved over the years not only that but the lack of support I have failed to accept. . . .


Sounds like me.


I hope you have learnt ways of nurturing yourself so that you feel good about who and how you are. Look in within and praise yourself for every little thing you do (self-talk) and be proud of all the good qualities you posses (everyone has flaws, but the point is not to hang on these). Accept yourself for who you are, and simply know that in every given situation you did your best – that would be the first step, the second step is to stop over analysing your past – what is done is done – the best way to move on is to accept it learn lessons and to throw away the key, the third step is to stop being critical of yourself and this can be achieved easier through being less critical of others – just learn to mind your own business and don’t give your opinion unless you are asked to – we are all learning and making mistakes, the fourth step will be to allow yourself make mistakes (preferably when it comes to new experiences) – you might get it right from the first go as well, but in the meantime allow yourself time to learn, enjoy this new experiences and space to grow because of this new knowledge you are gaining, the fifth step is to start talking in a nice way about yourself and to yourself – even simple things like acknowledging your feelings either positive and negative and telling this to yourself in a nice way “feel good today”, feel good about doing this”, “feel better”, “today was great the weather was nice”, “feel a bit down of such and such today but this could happen to anyone, tomorrow is another day” and so one – this could help to lighten your mood and make things a little more bearable for you and others, the next step is to do nice things for yourself – watch a favourite dvd, or paly a game, go out for a nice dinner, or do shopping, do something active if you are into physical activities (sports usually make you feel better), the next step is to put like a plan or strategy in place so that you can always go back to this when you feel you are falling behind. It may be a bit repetitive to start with, but it you fill your plan with a variety of things that bring joy to you, you will find it will be easier to get on with the programme. Oh and the last one, never ever refer to yourself in a negative manner neither when talking or thinking of yourself, or when with others, humbleness is not about putting yourself or others down it is about accepting things for what they are and being ok with that.


Hi Coco. Meditate and listen to the silence and spaciousness. Throw away your beliefs, ideas, thoughts. What you are thinking is not who you are. The I, “ego” conceptualizes and creates that identity of who you are. So you need to separate from your stream of thinking. (I am this or I am that) Into being aware, be in the present. Look around you and look of how still nature is. Learn from nature. Nature is your teacher. When you pay attention to the stillness and notice the aliveness of your inner body you’ll be at peace within yourself. No need to analyse, make any judgement, or identify what’s happening around you just observe. Your mind likes to make stories. Those stories are not who you are. You are life, you are awareness, you are one consciousness, one love.

Look into Eckhart Tolle videos on you tube. “Stillness Speaks” 😉


Hi there I m in d exact same position as u r!! Even I m struggling to value myself!!
We can help each other out!!


I used to have my ego in a good place then for some some reason not really sure how and why things changed. It has taken time to realise this but acknowledgement of this fact is freeing. I am now starting work on the changes to return to that wonderful space


I also remember a time/ period in my life when I was not so influenced by my EGO; and also wonder when it changed.


I believe everybody has an ego, its just a matter of how much control you let ego get of your own personal life. I have a big ego when I’m pro wrestling…but I never forget how I got there, who helped me, and what risks they to and everyone else took just to help me. so Suz I love the test and truly believe ego only controls what you allow it to. Great test 😉


Ah yes I believe I am living this currently and I desperately need to get out of it. Every day I think about this girl in my class who has a GPA of 4.3, very social, and works a 5-10 job during the week and still manages herself unlike me. What can I do about this just ignore it or improve myself?


@coco j.
Still today, I have the same feeling of being not only misunderstood but misconceived as an individual. There has been many family members, friends, and therapist that have tried to help me become aware of “ME”, who I am, how I feel, think, act, etc. But today I can say the reason I feel, think, and act how I do, is because of the lack of attention I have recieved over the years not only that but the lack of support I have failed to accept. . . .


I get angry when my bf does not take care of me when I am sick, I then fly off the handles and start telling him all the things I do for him


Whoever has successed to control his or her ego, in Islam known as ‘ikhlas person’. Satan can’t influance ikhlas person. Heaven is already for ikhlash person. Thanks alot for this great explanation that have helped me easier to understand my vulnarable position.


Ego is one of the parts of the self in Freudian hypothesis: the sound part. The Id is similar to the child part, needing moment delight, the some piece of you that has no stop component. The Superego is the inverse, the side that tries to prevent the Id from doing this, yet is very nearly like the Parent-some piece of you. The conscience is the adjusted piece of yourself, who you truly are the point at which all parts are in offset. This is all, obviously, as per Sigmund. The saying has gotten abused after some time. A change inner Ego doesn’t exist.


“You feel elevated from gossiping about other people’s flaws”
That is such a great one, because you wouldn’t think that would be a case of an ego. You would imagine that one would be more likely to gossip about others’s flaws, but you are so right. There is this self-righteous attitude that I experience when i feel my ego take control that keeps me on the outside of conversations as if I am too good to talk about others or engage in petty discussions. So true! It’s funny because I always thought that was a strength of mine to dismiss other people talking or complaining about things, and at times it is, but I realize it’s just my false self trying to stay elevated. Thank you for this great article. I send my best to you and everyone in their journey to defeat the ego and become their truest self. What a great insight and spiritual understanding we are coming to. Thank you so much.


Hi I m in deep depression because of my ego and jealous.my g.f is going to marry a charted accountant and I tried a lot to convince her and I failures I m confusing really she loves me or not she saying I can’t go against go to my parents what I can do I don’t want to miss her and another point I am getting little jealous because she is going to marry a better person then me.Give me some suggestion what ‘ll i do.


He may have good job but that doesn’t mean you are no better. There are many aspects that contribute to a person’s success, also you please don’t compare. Comparison denies happiness.
Also please be aware of the ego, love is attribute of soul not ego. One needs to be giving freely. They way we can feel good about ourselves. Ego wants to win all but love wants to nurture.
I was depressed for two years and i noticed that it was my ego because of which i was feeling sad. I got rid of it, i apologized to other and myself, and now i am at peace and happiness.
Wish you good luck.


Hey man, I have been there (but without a wedding) and what i can tell you is that in a year or 2, you will feel deeply ashamed of trying to force your way into her life, getting angry with that girl or whatsoever.. because the truth lies inside you, not inside her (the only difference is she has the luxury of choice). She made her choice, not because she thinks that this guy is better than you, but because he will be a more equilibrated element into her life. He might have less ego problems and therefore be a less complicated person (he might have received a lot more love from his parents than you did.. so dont feel bad about that we all grow up in different ways)
What i advice you is to go for a long introspective journey to teach yourself how to be more Zen with yourself, and then try again because you can pick up any girl if you have a strong stable innerself.

I am now after 2 years of work at a MUCH better place.. I am starting to trust myself around girls and having a long relationship with them.

Best regards, good luck, and dont forget, it doesnt happen in a day or 2, it s a long journey.



The EGO wants what it wants and the wishes of others are no concern to it; the EGO is self centered and believes it to be more worthy than others. Acceptance is not a word the EGO uses, I am not certain of your entire situation ; my suggestion is to accept what is- to try to control your ex-girlfriends plans is also one of the EGO’s self centered ideas to get what it wants. “… accept the things I cannot change”


I dont think that Im in any place to give you any advice but no one has replied and I felt that I should share my view because I was in your place 2 times before and its really CONFUSING, I understand,
but Please, Please, Please, try to SEE that everything we do, is either out of love, or its out of FEAR.
not hate, but fear. Love gives freedom, like when you allow a flower to be and it grows beautiful and you love it more to the point it dies. or you have fear of not having that flower and you cut it and kill it just to posses it. thats when the flower fails to be what you loved, cuz its dead now, you changed it, you controlled it and you took possession of it, thinking that you are loving this flower.
Human beings are given everything they NEED plus the greatest possible gift, limitless “freedom of will”. thats a great gift and its given to every single person by nature cuz it loves and respects us.

back to your situation: now sometimes ppl may feel guilty and disappointed that they are leaving their dear ones, in this case “you being left ” for what they actually want from within, in this case ” her deep down wanting to go with that marriage”. If she didnt really want to marry that man at some level, she wouldve done everything to stop it, its because she would be feeling as if her freedom is being taken away, and human is not designed that way so she would def fight for her freedom like humans have always done, even since childhood fighting over when to sleep and what to do, is a fight over freedom, which is our highest value. She is not doing anything wrong, she has her dreams which are private to her and she is deciding to go with the flow, and she is not asking anyones help so we should just respect that if there is any essence of love in us.

unfortunately this world has become a place for survival of the …. so everyone is trying to do whats best just for them ( thats their ego being afraid of “loosing” and the insecurities of life) .

first thing you need to accept is that you should give her absolute freedom to make her decision which would be according to her dreams. Hence saying of “Love is freedom ” because if you just RESPECT the ones you love, you never want to feel sorry for them and make their decisions for them. you allow them to be who they are, instead you would support them and keep loving them. because thats your only responsibility in a relationship, you should do your 50 and leave doing their 50 up to them, thats when you can find real love because if someone takes care of their 50 thats when they actually love you. just like when a dog loves you and you love him, you do your 50 which is feeding and playing and spoiling him and he does his 50 which is dancing around and licking you when you look tired coming home. if you give absolute freedom and they decide to stay there with you thats authentic love you have found but if you try to posses them by forcing yourself on them, thats not love my friend.

One main thing that you should think about, is when you say you are jealous because she is marrying a better person, There is no better person than you and there is no worst person, these are all relative, to our perception of life, so for example if it rains and you are in a suite and car was just out of car wash, thats a bad thing, but that same rain could be the best day of someones life because he found love of his life holding an umbrella and thats how they met. now the rain was neither good nor bad, but depending on your experience and knowledge, you label good or bad, he is not better than you, because if you disappear right now no one else can can replace you, there is only one of you made in this universe, you are made uniquely , with your thoughts and body and even finger prints, thats again out of universe’s immense love and respect for you and your individuality and freedom.
Before I say anything further , the most important key to remember is that if you just watch your feelings and thoughts which is the essence of meditation , all the sicknesses will disappear on its own, because the intelligence that we have will heal us on its own when it finds the sickness, wether its physical or mental. So keep meditation at the top of your list everyday. and meditation is not just sitting somewhere, its awareness of yourself.

I hope it helped a lil bit at least .


Hi Kiran Kumar, no one is better than another because there is no other. The ego separates us to be individual entities when in reality we are as one being, one awareness. What you are seeing is a reflection of yourself. The ideas, beliefs and thoughts are stories from the ego. Your ego attaches itself to insecurities like. “I don’t want to be alone, I have to be with this girl or I won’t be happy.” “I don’t want to miss her” “I feel jealous because she’s going to marry a better person.” These are all stories coming from the egoic mind. Only observe these thoughts and beliefs and then let them go like “a cloud passing by.” Find a place in a park and look at what’s around you in the present moment. Be aware and conscious and listen to the silence. Feel the aliveness of your inner body. No need to interpret or analyse what you are feeling or seeing. Just be here right now… Be in the present moment. Listen and notice the stillness from within. You’ll be at peace.

Let it go… Let it go… Those thoughts are not important.

Eckhart Tolle, Ven Ajahn Brahm, Mooji are great resources! :)


Thats exactly the same case happened with me but what I chose is to let go her ,the guy is rich and I am not so I am setting gols each day, preparing myself every single day to reach at the level where every one will say that I want to be like him. There is lots of failure everyday but I daily try to find success in all my failure. I will keep going I wont stop rest everything is destiny. Just do good with others even if they ignore you or say bad at your back just be good to them as well. I am doing and I hope you will too :)


i’ve been 16 months of cnacer treatment,,incurable,,and I carnt believe my mind/ego has been in control thw whole time,,no softness,,no let up,,dealing with doctors and nurses a nightmare,,at times nearly cutting my self from them all,,,which is how I usually cope with life,till I had to come out and deal with people cancer,,done whole cancer journey on my own,,constantly evaluating interactions I have with everyone,,my life hell,,which makes what the hell im doing trying to extend my life,,when the other half of me would be happy,,to die,,,siomon 53 ego killing me,,,,2,4,2015 new zealand


I have suspected all along that my ego is my biggest flaw. It has, above all else, made me afraid.


I really enjoyed this article. It takes a lot of digging to decipher between who you really are and who you think you are. This is in the quite literal sense. The ego quite literally thinks itself into existence. Ever so concerned about how to maintain a self in a fleeting world. Whereas our true self is in a constant state of beingness; A knowing that it is nothing because it is everything. I have experienced fleeting states of that true self. And I’m telling you, there’s no way to describe how real and peaceful the soul is. It is subtle. The moment you try to define it, you lose it. Because it (WE) are the experiencer of life – we are the dance. And that can only be experienced. The beautiful thing is that we can control our minds so that Soul is the guide and ego is the driver. Ego works best as a servant. We are spending too much of our lives distracted. A course in miracles (a book) are for those who are done with having a split mind; for those who are ready for peace and to live in true reality – Love.


I am with you, Aubrey. Fear, for me, lies behind every action, conversation, and thought (although my appearance, to the contrary, would fool anyone). I also agree with Troy that we give our egos control.

I know these things on an intellectual level, but I can’t seem to change. I have tremendous difficulty meditating or even focusing on my higher self and oneness.

I appreciate any feedback or advice on how others handle this.


I feel the ego represents separation. We see ourselves as a separate self to life and that is why we compare ourselves to others. The beautiful thing is when we see the oneness of everything we also realize the uniqueness of all life forms and appreciate them at the same time.
I loved your article and also the one on steve jobs and yogananda. Have a wonderful day
All the best,


This article was like a mirror held in front of me.

Many a times you feel the ego oozing out of you, but you do not wish to name it Ego. You may point fingers at others and say they were egoistic.

Being conscious about your ego is a good idea. You can then talk to yourself and answer questions raising within you, which many a times helps control ego.

At the same time, understanding the ego quotient of others around you is also equally important. This may help us make them aware of it and come to a common understanding in life matters.

Thanks a lot



My girlfriend tells me I have an ego-simply because I wont let her take me for granted.if you don’t text me,I wont text either.love and respect are supposed to be reciprocal.i can’t fight a lost cause


We all have egos, dont resent or condemn yourself for having an ego, so first dont fight it, accept your egoistic mind, all you need to do is to watch it. watch it as it is, dont impose your ideas of good and bad on it. because that will be again the work of ego and passing judgments. watching your ego and thoughts will do the miracle. thats the real meditation. not a breathing discipline but watching your inner being .

she has her own ego too, which is the one, passing this judgment on you. you on the other hand expecting a text before you can text her, makes this merely a trade, a deal or a contract, which is NOT love,

LOVE does nOt ask anything in return for what it gives, thats what makes it love, its unconditional. our expectations are ugly, because it arises from your fear and insecurity about trivial matters such as her love being authentic or not or her being serious and honest or not, loyal or not. but Love has a different quality, which is freedom, if you give her/him total freedom to do what she wills, and you still love and respect her thats true love.


Dani. Wow, well said. that is so beautiful, “Love has a different quality, which is freedom, if you give her/him total freedom to do what she wills, and you still love and respect her thats true love.”

That really is the essence of love, our ability to freely give ourselves and share the love we have for another. It’s easy sometimes to love when we know the other person will reciprocate or receive it well. But the hard part of real unconditional love is that fact that it is without expectation. To love without knowing how it will be received is the true example of one who is rooted and centered in love.

To me that comes from one who is secure because of their acceptance of their own unconditional worthiness from others and their higher power.

To give love to those who may not receive it perfectly or feel too uncomfortable or afraid to return it is a true test of courage. True showing of the freedom of real eternal love. It doesn’t have to be romantic love, our love to those who need it is a blessing.


I gotta question, but it is totally irrelevent. It’s involving in sports and deciding to compete in my first amateur mma fight. I feel like my ego controls everything. I’ve done all the work for coming from tournaments and this would be stepping up.. My coach says I have potential but in my opinion I’m really not a competitive nor aggressive person inside by nature but It is hard to tell what I’d like to do. Some part of me is saying not to do it, it’s the tournaments give me enough as it is. But at the same time i wanna go ahead do it just to prove how confident I really am and make myself feel good. Those decisions differ everyday day. And I’m afraid If I just back out I just make myself look bad and get frowned upon my coaches. What you do think? Is it just my ego pushing me just to prove some sort of image that Is false and avoid dissappointed from other fighters ? Idk if this makes sense at all but let me know.


Hi all , hope you all well, I just realised that why my life gone so terrible from good. I have married and a got a daughter but we are now separated for some reason. I do blame my self for this one so bad . During my marriage I felt unwanted I don’t know why and I felt abandon. Every one says family comes first . I do say the same but I never felt when I was with my family this is strange. I do worry a lot, stress a lot , smoke cigarette like hell. On the beginning of my marriage I felt cool I was thinking I’m gonna treat my girl like a princesses but when the time flies I felt that I have to control my wife and I have to control everything. I’m so nerves and didn’t realise what’s happening till now. Ego got me when I got treated bad . Ego got me when I didn’t get that attation like child from my wife. If I give attation to my wife she could have give me back. When ever she treated me bad I felt so furious and I started to hate Mt self and her and everyone. To the world I was acting everything is normal can be controllbel. Mmm I don’t know where I’m standing now.

Dana Tindell
March 11, 2016 3:49 pm

This site has opened my eyes to a whole new world about myself. I am a recovering addict alcoholic who had a number of years sober and when back out for a number of years and only because of a loving merciful God have I lived thru the exsperice and been able to drag back in recovery at 53 years old for another chance to live life. I’m desperate to uncover the things I apparently never dealt with before or I wouldn’t have felt it nesscarrey to go back out and go threw that hell on earth again.As I’ve heard it said in recovery rooms before I’m sure I got another drunk on me but I have no fought I don’t have another recovery in me so I better get it right,and that’s what’s lead me to dig deep and find out why I often have problems living on a daily basis in my own skin without the to felling the constant need to change the way I feel.Ive always heard in recovery programs about the Ego. How it was a main cause of shutting off the sunlight of the spirit one must stay in constant with to survive all the highs and lows to come.I had a lot of times wondered bout it but always for some reason didn’t think I had any problems with it whatever it was, didn’t even know the definition .But I heard it brought up in a meeting the other night and the problems it cause so I decided I had better take a look and found this site and wow no wonder I’ve struggled within myself the way I have I always considered myself to be a humble person that was honest with himself and knew himself boy have I been full of it after understanding what the ego is and what it can cause in person or me some lights have come on. I see now how my Ego has been in drivers of my life causing me so many negative feelings in life no wonder I had stay high to feel peace just wanted to say thanks for helping me see and understand some truths bout myself I had to see to able to fix my life depends on it.Well better go gotta a lot of work to do.God Bless


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