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10 Signs Your Ego is in Control


If you have ever caught yourself behaving in a way that makes you cringe then it’s likely your ego is to blame.

The ego can be tricky to manage – if we’re not careful it will sneak right up behind us when we least expect it, and before we know it we’re acting in ways that we know deep down are not for our best benefit.

What is the ego?

There are many different definitions of the ego, all of which can get quite complex. My personal take on the ego is that it’s the part of us that feels the need to be special. It’s that part of us that seeks approval – and by very definition it is a part of us that feels lacking in some way. This is why I know that the ego is not my friend.

The easiest way to determine if your ego is at play is to ask one of these two questions:

* Do I feel superior to others?
* Do I feel inferior to others?

If you answered yes to either of the above questions then it’s likely your ego is in the driving seat. This is because the ego is somewhat of a contradiction.

The ego is not just about arrogance

Many people hold a belief that if you have a big ego then this means you are arrogant and over-confident. There is this idea that your level of ego is relative to how much you love yourself. While this can often be the case – as I mentioned earlier if you are feeling superior to others then this is definitely your ego at play, but the ego also makes us feel inferior at times.

The ego and inferiority

Have you ever felt like you’re just not good enough? Have you ever looked at someone else and thought – I wish I was as good as they are? If you have (and let’s face it most people have done this) then this is also an example of being caught in the clutches of your ego.

Being right and the ego

Another sure fire way to tell if you’re being led by your ego is to notice if you’re desperate to be right. When you’re caught in an argument what are you fighting for? Are you genuinely making a point or are you arguing to prove that you’re right? Someone very wise once said to me:

“You can be happy…..or you can be right.”

This is a great question to ask yourself next time you’re caught in the throws of an argument. Or are you willing to sacrifice your own personal happiness just so that you can make your ego happy by being right?

Simple Life Strategy: 10 Signs Your Ego is in Control

So what can you do to combat your ego? The first step is awareness – you need to start to become aware of when you’re ego is playing up so you can stop it before it’s too late!

Here are 10 sure fire signs that your ego is in control:

1. You feel elevated from gossiping about other people’s flaws

2. You find yourself in a feisty discussion and you just can’t back down until you have ‘won’ the argument

3. You constantly compare yourself to other people who you feel are better than you (better looking, more intelligent, happier, more wealthy)

4. You constantly compare yourself to people who you feel are not as good as you (less intelligent, lower status)

5. You feel jealous when other people do well

6. You talk about yourself for 10 minutes before asking another how they are

7. You’d rather win than do your best

8. You often sulk when you don’t win that sports game or work challenge (instead of being proud of your attempt to do your best)

9. You set yourself impossible goals and then beat yourself up when you don’t reach them

10. You blame others when things don’t go your way

When do you notice your ego getting out of control? Share your story by leaving a reply at the bottom of this post.

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94 Comments. Leave new

your ego is at play when you feel that you have been chosen for another. i was in a midstream of choosing a cancer doctor for my breast ca. i made it known to both of them that i was still making a decision. the one i didn’t choose made an enemy out of me and the one i choose simply told me i can still ask him questions even in the case i didn’t choose him. that’s how i made my decision.

the one with the controlled ego, gets the grade!


hi I like that remark,,,,”he made an enemy out of me”,,i’m 16 months in to cancer treatment for myeloma,,treatable,not curable,,in the context of this web site,ego,,biggest difficiulty has interactions with doctors and nurse,,i kinda want it both ways,,i want them to like me,,and up until now I’ve been ok about them making,medical decisions,,but now I want more say,,In it,,i keep swinging,from ego dominate them,,to ego,,people pleaser,,,my treatment is going well,,hope your doing well to,,simon,,53 old,,

Janetta Olaseni
January 6, 2019 7:55 am

Prayers for you…I finished 5 months of chemo and 27 rad treatments for Breast Ca. I am an RN but after chemo went back for training to become a certified holistic nurse. Came back to my oncologist and told him that I wanted to stick with my alternative/ integrative methods and no longer take the post meds. He expressed his big ego and started raising his voice telling me the Ca would come back if I don’t take it for 10 years! Long story interesting… I fired him and he too was hot as fish grease! My new Doc is so calm and I’m also glad I made the switch! 5 years clean zero Ca and zero symptoms by the way!!!!


Wow Suz, what a great test! I love how you made your decision. A Cancer Doctor with an unhealthy ego is not a good combination! They need to be only thinking of you and what’s best for you. I wish you a happy and healthy recovery.
Zoe B


Sometimes being right is very important. Like when you are advocating for someone else’s care, e.g. nursing home or foster care. Disagreeing without being disagreeable is one good idea. Some people can say the opposite of what I’m saying and do it in a way that doesn’t offend me. I wish I could be like that.


Hi Benn,

I think there’s a difference between ‘being right’ and ‘making decisions based on someone else’s best interests.’ ‘Being right’ tends to be more about the self whereas it sounds like the example you give is more about making the ‘right’ decision for someone who you are caring for. I do get your point though – it’s important for a surgeon to ‘be right’ when he is in surgery! I guess the context I was talking about what is ‘being right’ in a discussion or argument.

Thanks for the comment 😉

Zoe B

chris franceschi
March 11, 2017 1:10 am

hm i m wondering could this still be ego.


I really appreciate this article. You have pointed out some much needed attention to my self improvement. This posting has touched me in a way I believe words cannot describe. I am happy. Thank you.


Good to hear Domingo 🙂

Well done you for deciding to improve yourself.

Zoe B


Zoe i have to be honest,i love your understanding of comments on egos,but i must say,your facial beauty should also give you an ego you have the face of an heavenly angelic angel! !


Why it leaves me extremely disturbed and upset for very long whenever there is an altercation takes place with someone especially an unknown person.Also how do I control body tremor, which is very intense,in a heated situation.

Adithya Bandari
April 15, 2014 9:00 pm

As far I know I feel I am the most vulnerable beast to ego on the earth. I am extremely disturbed and I am almost neglected by my fellow mates. Would you please suggest me some tips. Mine is a worst story. My English is bad, but still I feel I am a best poet in the world. I have normal knowledge. However, I feel I am the most intelligent, more than my professors too. I hope you intelligent people ( in fact I feel very jealous to call you so) help me…

Thank you friends!!!


Wow! I think you’ve just about got your ego under your control if you can open up like that and know you’ve got an issue. Well done!


I always feel that I am not being heard or not good enough. As a result, I separate myself from others because I tend to say that they don’t understand me and that I am just too complicated. In relationships, I feel like I am not worthy of being loved so I avoid them, run or just plain old freak out and so I am alone. I am just starting to understand that I have to value myself worth and by doing so I am starting to learn about me and who I am. Please give me any support to assist me because I am on my journey of humbleness and want so desperately to be happy and at peace with myself. I would like to learn how to lead by example and how I think best to do this is by first loving myself, which will make it easy for me to love others.


@coco j.
Still today, I have the same feeling of being not only misunderstood but misconceived as an individual. There has been many family members, friends, and therapist that have tried to help me become aware of “ME”, who I am, how I feel, think, act, etc. But today I can say the reason I feel, think, and act how I do, is because of the lack of attention I have recieved over the years not only that but the lack of support I have failed to accept. . . .


Same felling I HV feel what can I do to get out of it


The wound you have holds the very key to the freedom you seek..
much blessings


It’s funny how the universe works, your words have just resonated with me so deeply, Kia ora


Sounds like me.


I hope you have learnt ways of nurturing yourself so that you feel good about who and how you are. Look in within and praise yourself for every little thing you do (self-talk) and be proud of all the good qualities you posses (everyone has flaws, but the point is not to hang on these). Accept yourself for who you are, and simply know that in every given situation you did your best – that would be the first step, the second step is to stop over analysing your past – what is done is done – the best way to move on is to accept it learn lessons and to throw away the key, the third step is to stop being critical of yourself and this can be achieved easier through being less critical of others – just learn to mind your own business and don’t give your opinion unless you are asked to – we are all learning and making mistakes, the fourth step will be to allow yourself make mistakes (preferably when it comes to new experiences) – you might get it right from the first go as well, but in the meantime allow yourself time to learn, enjoy this new experiences and space to grow because of this new knowledge you are gaining, the fifth step is to start talking in a nice way about yourself and to yourself – even simple things like acknowledging your feelings either positive and negative and telling this to yourself in a nice way “feel good today”, feel good about doing this”, “feel better”, “today was great the weather was nice”, “feel a bit down of such and such today but this could happen to anyone, tomorrow is another day” and so one – this could help to lighten your mood and make things a little more bearable for you and others, the next step is to do nice things for yourself – watch a favourite dvd, or paly a game, go out for a nice dinner, or do shopping, do something active if you are into physical activities (sports usually make you feel better), the next step is to put like a plan or strategy in place so that you can always go back to this when you feel you are falling behind. It may be a bit repetitive to start with, but it you fill your plan with a variety of things that bring joy to you, you will find it will be easier to get on with the programme. Oh and the last one, never ever refer to yourself in a negative manner neither when talking or thinking of yourself, or when with others, humbleness is not about putting yourself or others down it is about accepting things for what they are and being ok with that.


Hi Coco. Meditate and listen to the silence and spaciousness. Throw away your beliefs, ideas, thoughts. What you are thinking is not who you are. The I, “ego” conceptualizes and creates that identity of who you are. So you need to separate from your stream of thinking. (I am this or I am that) Into being aware, be in the present. Look around you and look of how still nature is. Learn from nature. Nature is your teacher. When you pay attention to the stillness and notice the aliveness of your inner body you’ll be at peace within yourself. No need to analyse, make any judgement, or identify what’s happening around you just observe. Your mind likes to make stories. Those stories are not who you are. You are life, you are awareness, you are one consciousness, one love.

Look into Eckhart Tolle videos on you tube. “Stillness Speaks” 😉


“come forth into the light of things,let nature be your teacher”…. William Wordsworth.


Hi there I m in d exact same position as u r!! Even I m struggling to value myself!!
We can help each other out!!

Janetta Olaseni
January 6, 2019 8:06 am

Hey I’m not sure if the moderator allows this but I have written a free ebook on self-compassion: How to love yourself unconditionally that you may find helpful. I too struggled with seeking approval and for so long that I became ill and nearly died five years ago. Here is the link, hopefully it’s allowed :


I used to have my ego in a good place then for some some reason not really sure how and why things changed. It has taken time to realise this but acknowledgement of this fact is freeing. I am now starting work on the changes to return to that wonderful space


I also remember a time/ period in my life when I was not so influenced by my EGO; and also wonder when it changed.


I believe everybody has an ego, its just a matter of how much control you let ego get of your own personal life. I have a big ego when I’m pro wrestling…but I never forget how I got there, who helped me, and what risks they to and everyone else took just to help me. so Suz I love the test and truly believe ego only controls what you allow it to. Great test 😉


Ah yes I believe I am living this currently and I desperately need to get out of it. Every day I think about this girl in my class who has a GPA of 4.3, very social, and works a 5-10 job during the week and still manages herself unlike me. What can I do about this just ignore it or improve myself?


@coco j.
Still today, I have the same feeling of being not only misunderstood but misconceived as an individual. There has been many family members, friends, and therapist that have tried to help me become aware of “ME”, who I am, how I feel, think, act, etc. But today I can say the reason I feel, think, and act how I do, is because of the lack of attention I have recieved over the years not only that but the lack of support I have failed to accept. . . .


I get angry when my bf does not take care of me when I am sick, I then fly off the handles and start telling him all the things I do for him


Whoever has successed to control his or her ego, in Islam known as ‘ikhlas person’. Satan can’t influance ikhlas person. Heaven is already for ikhlash person. Thanks alot for this great explanation that have helped me easier to understand my vulnarable position.


I really like reading through a post that will make men and women think. Also, thank you for allowing for me to comment!


Ego is one of the parts of the self in Freudian hypothesis: the sound part. The Id is similar to the child part, needing moment delight, the some piece of you that has no stop component. The Superego is the inverse, the side that tries to prevent the Id from doing this, yet is very nearly like the Parent-some piece of you. The conscience is the adjusted piece of yourself, who you truly are the point at which all parts are in offset. This is all, obviously, as per Sigmund. The saying has gotten abused after some time. A change inner Ego doesn’t exist.


“You feel elevated from gossiping about other people’s flaws”
That is such a great one, because you wouldn’t think that would be a case of an ego. You would imagine that one would be more likely to gossip about others’s flaws, but you are so right. There is this self-righteous attitude that I experience when i feel my ego take control that keeps me on the outside of conversations as if I am too good to talk about others or engage in petty discussions. So true! It’s funny because I always thought that was a strength of mine to dismiss other people talking or complaining about things, and at times it is, but I realize it’s just my false self trying to stay elevated. Thank you for this great article. I send my best to you and everyone in their journey to defeat the ego and become their truest self. What a great insight and spiritual understanding we are coming to. Thank you so much.


Hi I m in deep depression because of my ego and g.f is going to marry a charted accountant and I tried a lot to convince her and I failures I m confusing really she loves me or not she saying I can’t go against go to my parents what I can do I don’t want to miss her and another point I am getting little jealous because she is going to marry a better person then me.Give me some suggestion what ‘ll i do.


He may have good job but that doesn’t mean you are no better. There are many aspects that contribute to a person’s success, also you please don’t compare. Comparison denies happiness.
Also please be aware of the ego, love is attribute of soul not ego. One needs to be giving freely. They way we can feel good about ourselves. Ego wants to win all but love wants to nurture.
I was depressed for two years and i noticed that it was my ego because of which i was feeling sad. I got rid of it, i apologized to other and myself, and now i am at peace and happiness.
Wish you good luck.


Hey man, I have been there (but without a wedding) and what i can tell you is that in a year or 2, you will feel deeply ashamed of trying to force your way into her life, getting angry with that girl or whatsoever.. because the truth lies inside you, not inside her (the only difference is she has the luxury of choice). She made her choice, not because she thinks that this guy is better than you, but because he will be a more equilibrated element into her life. He might have less ego problems and therefore be a less complicated person (he might have received a lot more love from his parents than you did.. so dont feel bad about that we all grow up in different ways)
What i advice you is to go for a long introspective journey to teach yourself how to be more Zen with yourself, and then try again because you can pick up any girl if you have a strong stable innerself.

I am now after 2 years of work at a MUCH better place.. I am starting to trust myself around girls and having a long relationship with them.

Best regards, good luck, and dont forget, it doesnt happen in a day or 2, it s a long journey.



The EGO wants what it wants and the wishes of others are no concern to it; the EGO is self centered and believes it to be more worthy than others. Acceptance is not a word the EGO uses, I am not certain of your entire situation ; my suggestion is to accept what is- to try to control your ex-girlfriends plans is also one of the EGO’s self centered ideas to get what it wants. “… accept the things I cannot change”


I dont think that Im in any place to give you any advice but no one has replied and I felt that I should share my view because I was in your place 2 times before and its really CONFUSING, I understand,
but Please, Please, Please, try to SEE that everything we do, is either out of love, or its out of FEAR.
not hate, but fear. Love gives freedom, like when you allow a flower to be and it grows beautiful and you love it more to the point it dies. or you have fear of not having that flower and you cut it and kill it just to posses it. thats when the flower fails to be what you loved, cuz its dead now, you changed it, you controlled it and you took possession of it, thinking that you are loving this flower.
Human beings are given everything they NEED plus the greatest possible gift, limitless “freedom of will”. thats a great gift and its given to every single person by nature cuz it loves and respects us.

back to your situation: now sometimes ppl may feel guilty and disappointed that they are leaving their dear ones, in this case “you being left ” for what they actually want from within, in this case ” her deep down wanting to go with that marriage”. If she didnt really want to marry that man at some level, she wouldve done everything to stop it, its because she would be feeling as if her freedom is being taken away, and human is not designed that way so she would def fight for her freedom like humans have always done, even since childhood fighting over when to sleep and what to do, is a fight over freedom, which is our highest value. She is not doing anything wrong, she has her dreams which are private to her and she is deciding to go with the flow, and she is not asking anyones help so we should just respect that if there is any essence of love in us.

unfortunately this world has become a place for survival of the …. so everyone is trying to do whats best just for them ( thats their ego being afraid of “loosing” and the insecurities of life) .

first thing you need to accept is that you should give her absolute freedom to make her decision which would be according to her dreams. Hence saying of “Love is freedom ” because if you just RESPECT the ones you love, you never want to feel sorry for them and make their decisions for them. you allow them to be who they are, instead you would support them and keep loving them. because thats your only responsibility in a relationship, you should do your 50 and leave doing their 50 up to them, thats when you can find real love because if someone takes care of their 50 thats when they actually love you. just like when a dog loves you and you love him, you do your 50 which is feeding and playing and spoiling him and he does his 50 which is dancing around and licking you when you look tired coming home. if you give absolute freedom and they decide to stay there with you thats authentic love you have found but if you try to posses them by forcing yourself on them, thats not love my friend.

One main thing that you should think about, is when you say you are jealous because she is marrying a better person, There is no better person than you and there is no worst person, these are all relative, to our perception of life, so for example if it rains and you are in a suite and car was just out of car wash, thats a bad thing, but that same rain could be the best day of someones life because he found love of his life holding an umbrella and thats how they met. now the rain was neither good nor bad, but depending on your experience and knowledge, you label good or bad, he is not better than you, because if you disappear right now no one else can can replace you, there is only one of you made in this universe, you are made uniquely , with your thoughts and body and even finger prints, thats again out of universe’s immense love and respect for you and your individuality and freedom.
Before I say anything further , the most important key to remember is that if you just watch your feelings and thoughts which is the essence of meditation , all the sicknesses will disappear on its own, because the intelligence that we have will heal us on its own when it finds the sickness, wether its physical or mental. So keep meditation at the top of your list everyday. and meditation is not just sitting somewhere, its awareness of yourself.

I hope it helped a lil bit at least .


Hi Kiran Kumar, no one is better than another because there is no other. The ego separates us to be individual entities when in reality we are as one being, one awareness. What you are seeing is a reflection of yourself. The ideas, beliefs and thoughts are stories from the ego. Your ego attaches itself to insecurities like. “I don’t want to be alone, I have to be with this girl or I won’t be happy.” “I don’t want to miss her” “I feel jealous because she’s going to marry a better person.” These are all stories coming from the egoic mind. Only observe these thoughts and beliefs and then let them go like “a cloud passing by.” Find a place in a park and look at what’s around you in the present moment. Be aware and conscious and listen to the silence. Feel the aliveness of your inner body. No need to interpret or analyse what you are feeling or seeing. Just be here right now… Be in the present moment. Listen and notice the stillness from within. You’ll be at peace.

Let it go… Let it go… Those thoughts are not important.

Eckhart Tolle, Ven Ajahn Brahm, Mooji are great resources! 🙂


Thats exactly the same case happened with me but what I chose is to let go her ,the guy is rich and I am not so I am setting gols each day, preparing myself every single day to reach at the level where every one will say that I want to be like him. There is lots of failure everyday but I daily try to find success in all my failure. I will keep going I wont stop rest everything is destiny. Just do good with others even if they ignore you or say bad at your back just be good to them as well. I am doing and I hope you will too 🙂


i’ve been 16 months of cnacer treatment,,incurable,,and I carnt believe my mind/ego has been in control thw whole time,,no softness,,no let up,,dealing with doctors and nurses a nightmare,,at times nearly cutting my self from them all,,,which is how I usually cope with life,till I had to come out and deal with people cancer,,done whole cancer journey on my own,,constantly evaluating interactions I have with everyone,,my life hell,,which makes what the hell im doing trying to extend my life,,when the other half of me would be happy,,to die,,,siomon 53 ego killing me,,,,2,4,2015 new zealand


I have suspected all along that my ego is my biggest flaw. It has, above all else, made me afraid.


I really enjoyed this article. It takes a lot of digging to decipher between who you really are and who you think you are. This is in the quite literal sense. The ego quite literally thinks itself into existence. Ever so concerned about how to maintain a self in a fleeting world. Whereas our true self is in a constant state of beingness; A knowing that it is nothing because it is everything. I have experienced fleeting states of that true self. And I’m telling you, there’s no way to describe how real and peaceful the soul is. It is subtle. The moment you try to define it, you lose it. Because it (WE) are the experiencer of life – we are the dance. And that can only be experienced. The beautiful thing is that we can control our minds so that Soul is the guide and ego is the driver. Ego works best as a servant. We are spending too much of our lives distracted. A course in miracles (a book) are for those who are done with having a split mind; for those who are ready for peace and to live in true reality – Love.


Heart full of love, with thanks to you for talking this Truth so well. Do you write elsewhere? B


I am with you, Aubrey. Fear, for me, lies behind every action, conversation, and thought (although my appearance, to the contrary, would fool anyone). I also agree with Troy that we give our egos control.

I know these things on an intellectual level, but I can’t seem to change. I have tremendous difficulty meditating or even focusing on my higher self and oneness.

I appreciate any feedback or advice on how others handle this.


I feel the ego represents separation. We see ourselves as a separate self to life and that is why we compare ourselves to others. The beautiful thing is when we see the oneness of everything we also realize the uniqueness of all life forms and appreciate them at the same time.
I loved your article and also the one on steve jobs and yogananda. Have a wonderful day
All the best,


This article was like a mirror held in front of me.

Many a times you feel the ego oozing out of you, but you do not wish to name it Ego. You may point fingers at others and say they were egoistic.

Being conscious about your ego is a good idea. You can then talk to yourself and answer questions raising within you, which many a times helps control ego.

At the same time, understanding the ego quotient of others around you is also equally important. This may help us make them aware of it and come to a common understanding in life matters.

Thanks a lot



My girlfriend tells me I have an ego-simply because I wont let her take me for granted.if you don’t text me,I wont text and respect are supposed to be reciprocal.i can’t fight a lost cause


We all have egos, dont resent or condemn yourself for having an ego, so first dont fight it, accept your egoistic mind, all you need to do is to watch it. watch it as it is, dont impose your ideas of good and bad on it. because that will be again the work of ego and passing judgments. watching your ego and thoughts will do the miracle. thats the real meditation. not a breathing discipline but watching your inner being .

she has her own ego too, which is the one, passing this judgment on you. you on the other hand expecting a text before you can text her, makes this merely a trade, a deal or a contract, which is NOT love,

LOVE does nOt ask anything in return for what it gives, thats what makes it love, its unconditional. our expectations are ugly, because it arises from your fear and insecurity about trivial matters such as her love being authentic or not or her being serious and honest or not, loyal or not. but Love has a different quality, which is freedom, if you give her/him total freedom to do what she wills, and you still love and respect her thats true love.


Dani. Wow, well said. that is so beautiful, “Love has a different quality, which is freedom, if you give her/him total freedom to do what she wills, and you still love and respect her thats true love.”

That really is the essence of love, our ability to freely give ourselves and share the love we have for another. It’s easy sometimes to love when we know the other person will reciprocate or receive it well. But the hard part of real unconditional love is that fact that it is without expectation. To love without knowing how it will be received is the true example of one who is rooted and centered in love.

To me that comes from one who is secure because of their acceptance of their own unconditional worthiness from others and their higher power.

To give love to those who may not receive it perfectly or feel too uncomfortable or afraid to return it is a true test of courage. True showing of the freedom of real eternal love. It doesn’t have to be romantic love, our love to those who need it is a blessing.


I gotta question, but it is totally irrelevent. It’s involving in sports and deciding to compete in my first amateur mma fight. I feel like my ego controls everything. I’ve done all the work for coming from tournaments and this would be stepping up.. My coach says I have potential but in my opinion I’m really not a competitive nor aggressive person inside by nature but It is hard to tell what I’d like to do. Some part of me is saying not to do it, it’s the tournaments give me enough as it is. But at the same time i wanna go ahead do it just to prove how confident I really am and make myself feel good. Those decisions differ everyday day. And I’m afraid If I just back out I just make myself look bad and get frowned upon my coaches. What you do think? Is it just my ego pushing me just to prove some sort of image that Is false and avoid dissappointed from other fighters ? Idk if this makes sense at all but let me know.


Hi all , hope you all well, I just realised that why my life gone so terrible from good. I have married and a got a daughter but we are now separated for some reason. I do blame my self for this one so bad . During my marriage I felt unwanted I don’t know why and I felt abandon. Every one says family comes first . I do say the same but I never felt when I was with my family this is strange. I do worry a lot, stress a lot , smoke cigarette like hell. On the beginning of my marriage I felt cool I was thinking I’m gonna treat my girl like a princesses but when the time flies I felt that I have to control my wife and I have to control everything. I’m so nerves and didn’t realise what’s happening till now. Ego got me when I got treated bad . Ego got me when I didn’t get that attation like child from my wife. If I give attation to my wife she could have give me back. When ever she treated me bad I felt so furious and I started to hate Mt self and her and everyone. To the world I was acting everything is normal can be controllbel. Mmm I don’t know where I’m standing now.

Dana Tindell
March 11, 2016 3:49 pm

This site has opened my eyes to a whole new world about myself. I am a recovering addict alcoholic who had a number of years sober and when back out for a number of years and only because of a loving merciful God have I lived thru the exsperice and been able to drag back in recovery at 53 years old for another chance to live life. I’m desperate to uncover the things I apparently never dealt with before or I wouldn’t have felt it nesscarrey to go back out and go threw that hell on earth again.As I’ve heard it said in recovery rooms before I’m sure I got another drunk on me but I have no fought I don’t have another recovery in me so I better get it right,and that’s what’s lead me to dig deep and find out why I often have problems living on a daily basis in my own skin without the to felling the constant need to change the way I feel.Ive always heard in recovery programs about the Ego. How it was a main cause of shutting off the sunlight of the spirit one must stay in constant with to survive all the highs and lows to come.I had a lot of times wondered bout it but always for some reason didn’t think I had any problems with it whatever it was, didn’t even know the definition .But I heard it brought up in a meeting the other night and the problems it cause so I decided I had better take a look and found this site and wow no wonder I’ve struggled within myself the way I have I always considered myself to be a humble person that was honest with himself and knew himself boy have I been full of it after understanding what the ego is and what it can cause in person or me some lights have come on. I see now how my Ego has been in drivers of my life causing me so many negative feelings in life no wonder I had stay high to feel peace just wanted to say thanks for helping me see and understand some truths bout myself I had to see to able to fix my life depends on it.Well better go gotta a lot of work to do.God Bless

Dana Tindell
March 11, 2016 3:49 pm

This site has opened my eyes to a whole new world about myself. I am a recovering addict alcoholic who had a number of years sober and when back out for a number of years and only because of a loving merciful God have I lived thru the exsperice and been able to drag back in recovery at 53 years old for another chance to live life. I’m desperate to uncover the things I apparently never dealt with before or I wouldn’t have felt it nesscarrey to go back out and go threw that hell on earth again.As I’ve heard it said in recovery rooms before I’m sure I got another drunk on me but I have no fought I don’t have another recovery in me so I better get it right,and that’s what’s lead me to dig deep and find out why I often have problems living on a daily basis in my own skin without the to felling the constant need to change the way I feel.Ive always heard in recovery programs about the Ego. How it was a main cause of shutting off the sunlight of the spirit one must stay in constant with to survive all the highs and lows to come.I had a lot of times wondered bout it but always for some reason didn’t think I had any problems with it whatever it was, didn’t even know the definition .But I heard it brought up in a meeting the other night and the problems it cause so I decided I had better take a look and found this site and wow no wonder I’ve struggled within myself the way I have I always considered myself to be a humble person that was honest with himself and knew himself boy have I been full of it after understanding what the ego is and what it can cause in person or me some lights have come on. I see now how my Ego has been in drivers of my life causing me so many negative feelings in life no wonder I had stay high to feel peace just wanted to say thanks for helping me see and understand some truths bout myself I had to see to able to fix my life depends on it.Well better go gotta a lot of work to do.God Bless


HI! Miss Zoe B. thank you for your blogs it really helps me a lot, by the way Miss Zoe B this is lance from the Philippines I’m an English teacher but may real passion is to become a chef, i want to have my own restaurant someday, because of your blogs I always get inspired to things with great smile and great dedication. thank you so so so much Miss Zoe B. love your blogs very much……….


HI! Miss Zoe B. thank you for your blogs it really helps me a lot, by the way Miss Zoe B this is lance from the Philippines I’m an English teacher but may real passion is to become a chef, i want to have my own restaurant someday, because of your blogs I always get inspired to do things with great smile and great dedication. thank you so so so much Miss Zoe B. love your blogs very much…… and because of that I formulated a quotation and it goes like this ” TO LEARN IS A RESPONSIBILITY, TO GAIN KNOWLEDGE IS AN ACHIEVEMENT, AN BEING SUCCESSFUL IS AN HONOR”


Thank YOU Rolan 😉 Great to hear you are inspired to do what you LOVE. we only have one life so you go get em!


Holly shit yes. I can’t believe I have come to realize I even have an ego problem. Even at home I always have to complain about something and when I do actually speak I’m always talking about other people pointing out flaws and always comparing myself to others. Putting myself down and not ever really being open. Not really being open with loved ones like family and always expecting them to fix my problems. My ego relolves around my whole life. When I wake up I need to always have things my way and get upset when I don’t. Also whenever I make the effort to do my best at something and fail to do so. Back to putting myself down and expecting myself to do much better than that. And ALWAYS thinking about myself/how to make everything benefit me. Manipulating others into thinking I’m their friend just to get something out of them. Sad but I can admit to it and I’m willing to make a change idk how but I need to work on it 🙁


i m realizing my ego from last few days,i worked as a front office manager in a hotel and my boss appointed a guy of his relation in my place, transferred me to other department , i think i have done my job very well. instead of promoting me, he replaced me.i cant decide right now should i continue my job here or apply somewhere else


The line you can be right or you can be happy explains all.


As a younger man when some one went agaist my grain or my way ,I would think how very dare you,or thoughts how can you do that to me .i was an emotional person and often set my self up for pain from otheres ,what I mean if my behavior caused a certain reaction from otheres I did not like it.i used to sometimes think ,life is not ment to be like this and that for some one like me .i thought I was quite stealth and cunning to get my own way .then I grew up,I realised we are here but only for a very short time ,we entered the world with nothing and we leave with nothing ,I found some wisdom and started deflateing my ego ,I started to let go of some posetions which Leeds to less worry and I simplified my life more .i am just a spec amongst specs and in the end it dosent realy matter .what matters is liveing ones life each day to the fullest and I realised there’s anough drama in the world with out my Input .i guess I’m happy just breezing along day by day till I reach my final day .


How do I asses a friendship…..
I know I’m dealing with a narcissist as she is always saying how hard her life is and doesn’t have money and has self diagnosed herself with fibromialgia but never see a doc or specialist, she regularly drinks, smokes a lot & does drugs regularly & no exercise… I think her ailments are due to this & laziness so all the years other people are helping her carry everything, everytime I go to her house she sends me to the shops as she doesn’t have food and I have to contubute money and carry everything move her furniture, tidy her house for her she asked me once to do this I said I was busy… she spends 100s on dress up clothes & cocaine then pleads poverty….I called her out gently on this & said I care about her she has nice sides… she told me she wants to end the friendship becuase I asked her to stop taking the micky with me & others making them her skivvy she is very arrogant & entitled & will now go & talk about me to our friends bad-mouthing me 🙁
Is there an article that I could send her to help her understand she is acting in ego without seeming too judgemantal…? Thanks or should I finally walk away from someone who can switch so cold when I ask her to change one thing the way she treats me…? xx


I feel inferior than others yet my boyfriend tells me i have a huge ego and at times I do find it to be true, cause there’s a voice inside me telling that if he can get angry why can’t I? Why does he get to do soenso n I don’t? Is it right to have such thoughts when your relationship is already hanging on by a thread?


I have been born into a rich family. However, recently I have been finding my ego to be one of my problems. Without ego, is same as not having balls. If your owning a multi-million dollar business not having balls can be a problem. However, I believe it is important to know how to display the ego in subtle way. Never should you show signs of ego in front of people who are more experienced than you and believing everyone has something to teach me. However, sometimes when I am away from my work if feel uncomfortable. I don’t it bothers me a lot


#You’d rather win than do your best
#get jealous when others succeed
trademark qualities, unfortunately I have these at steroid proportions , simply cannot shed my ego , no idea why , just the way I am. hard to change or live with this shit. Wish I was different in a good way. people with less egos are naturally happy.


I feel like I hve my ego in place but then when I’m around certain people it’s like I’m pissed at the world , i don’t have many friends and I’m like the most positive kid u can imagine I’m constantly happy when I’m by myself , it’s like certain people’s vibes are off and I sense it without even realizing it and my reaction is getting away from them, and if they say anything to me I react in a angry uninterested manner.

Bryan Rountree
January 5, 2017 1:38 pm

My male ego is ruining my relationship with my gf. She’s had a more leisurely life and comes from much more money than I do. Thus, growing up and throughout college she’s been able to take trips, buy things and experience things I’ve never been able to until now (since I have a good job). Even now her parents still take care of her (rent, bills etc). I feel jealous and inferior to her even though I should be proud that I’m the one that’s self-sufficient and able to do for myself comfortably. We’re both 28 so hopefully it’s not too late for me to grow out of this.


It has been brought to my attention the I have an Ego problem. As a Leo I thought it was just my Leo pride. But having some harsh eye opening situations lately makes me really look into it. I didn’t really understand what the ego was. This article helped out alot. Its so dead, my ego has no chance!

selvyn quijada
January 13, 2017 8:24 am

The ego is the arrogance of man trying to
Survive in a world which has been modified
To suit others’ needs. Fuck trump.


Listen to Terence mckenna on culture and ego, you’ll be surprised


I do every single one of these things, more than hourly and daily ; so frequently it drives me up the wall to the point of grate fury and I have to use a muscle relaxation technique a friend taught me recently to get me to calm down & relaaaaax… Gooooooosefrabbaaaaaa….

The most obnoxious challenge and experience for me is the constant AND simultaneous; inferiority + superiority feelin. Both at once is a nightmare….

The muscle relaxation + deep breathing + meditation + mind silence is the best I can do for now combined with writing & doodling/drawing or other types of art (crayons+pens+colored pencils) that I’ve been doing for others not really for the but for me cuz it makes me happy when I’m inspire by them. The more inspiring they are; the more inspired I am and the more effort and personal thought I put into the art work. Blah uninspiring people cause me to draw blah uninspiring things (halfassed-rushed-sloppy/ I could care less about the quality of the doodle/drawing) and people who inspire me (the move personable and inspiring ones) get a better quality piece!

I appreciate this website. Set up well and easy to read with not a bunch of technical jargin. Simple & concise. Works for me, very well. I’m a simpleton. Thank you very very much: @ Zöe B

Carmen Peskin
February 7, 2017 5:42 pm

My ego comes out to play every so now and then when I feel inferior and inadequate when comparing my life and my achievements to someone that I think has a better life or is better than me. I have learnt to identify these moments and remind myself that we are all on a different assignment here on earth and no one is better than some one else. What we have is what we need to complete our assignments and so with each person having a different assignment, your life will be different, not better or worse than someone else xxx


I thank you ooh wee that is my daughter to a tee. For months I have been trying to figure her out and finally the answer is here, Ego, her Ego has kicked her out the car, threw gravel in her face by smashing that gas petal to the floor and got the hell outta dodge, wish I can stop that fool and put her back in charge.


I know I have a major ego problem. It’s such a bad trait and leaks through my everyday motion. I don’t think anyone respects me except for my two besties. But even then I have my doubts…. I don’t even think I’m a good person because of this flaw. I’m a bad listener and don’t give good advice anymore like I used to. I always compare myself now to my once A+ high school over achieving self…. Many times I think too highly of myself because I know I feel the exact opposite and I know what I’m capable of but I just don’t have the patience. I’m overly aggressive and I’m not as genuine as I used to be. My ego is constantly yapping for me and is in control and I don’t know how to shut her up!!! I’m trying to meditate and think mellow thoughts. Ego looks forcfully communicated and unnatural. I look insincere and self centered. I guess I want to be loved accepted and just want more for myself. I haven’t felt personal success in a long time and been in abusive and dead end relationships. I didn’t set standards for myself and tried to accept and love others for their flaws at my own expense. How can I refrain my brain!!!!


Many times in life (particularly these 4 years) I’ve been drawn to continually be part of life – concerts, sporting events – States masters; more work; more email responses. I like that as it’s elevating but my communication has flaws. For example more management level people say to me in close a succession; your emails are criptic (I prefer ambiguous as the adjective haha) I don’t quite know what you mean”. I feel I’ve let myself down.. not achieve satisfactory communication.

I also experience some disappointment with intimacy. The boyfriend doesn’t want to be apart of the social nights, or movies or sports events on the greens listening to Adele. He’s invited mind you. I visualise other men now as a source of fullfillment… sound like ego Or finding decisions and actions to live energetically legally, whilst not having married or kids for love & prosperity.


Love your site! We are all connected and life is so much more meaningful when we support one another.
To help the children I recently published a little book called The Ego Seed; I believe this is a concept that we can introduce at a young age. I wrote this story in broad strokes so any life style, parenting style, religious preference or spiritual path can be incorporated into the story. We all shine in a different way, but we all have
an ego…Namaste


My most dangerous and biggest enemy is my ego . it torments my mind it wants me to hate people and also it wants me to destroy myself. we must destroy our egos it is self destructive.


When I was dealing with my cancer, I checked out my ego. Not that I knew I was checking it out, but I went to find out what the deep and nourished hurts I was maintaining. I had to own up, acknowledge and let got of those old hurts I’d been keeping in my back pocket so to speak, so I could constantly refer to them and blame everyone else for my illness. And BTW, I wouldn’t go within a thousand miles of a doctor. How on earth can you poison someone into good health?!

Crazy Cat Mandu
June 29, 2017 3:06 pm

Whenever I speak, it’s like my ego is having a vowel movement. And it’s almost impossible for me to hold my tongue around verbose, egotistical people. Mentally reciting the “Three Gates” helps. My silence is a wall I’m learning to build one golden brick at a time.
— Before you speak, let your words pass through three gates:
At the first gate, ask yourself “Is is true?”
At the second gate ask, “Is it necessary?”
At the third gate ask, “Is it kind?”


I feel I have a big ego, which prevents me from being happy. I am always comparing myself with others and their success just doesn’t make me happy. Also I have a major issue that make me feel I am forever not being involved at work, and that I feel I am missing out on all the good one.. help me I want to make sense of this and get over this issue.. it’s really hindering my happiness and makes me forever anxious

Anna Espiritu
July 26, 2017 1:38 am

Just be quiet and forget about the self. Do not identify with the I and yourself and you can start the journey of a blissful life. In the midst of chaos, it is blissful to be calm.


I definitely had the realisation that my ego has taken over today. I never really thought of myself as a self absorbed person because I don’t deliberately set out to hurt anyone in life, and generally want to see the best in people but after an event today I’ve realised I need to let go of myself. This might sound simple but my ego got in the way of performing a basic human action of showing compassion. I saw a man was crying on his own at the train station. I was sitting right next to him. I felt his pain and felt compelled to help him in my heart, but I didn’t. I didn’t because my own ego got in the way, my feelings got in the way of helping someone blatantly in need. This guy had the courage to cry in public, and could have been something serious or life threatening. Whatever the reason, I didn’t have the courage to help him because I actually feared he might reject my help, and consequently that would make me look bad. I basically my own feelings got in the way of doing what was right. I felt really ashamed of myself but I hope that someone with more courage has helped this man, and that he is ok and this situation was not so bad that this guy took any worse actions. Furthermore my failure or help may have cause this man to not be able to be vulnerable in public again. It’s a chain really. The ego can stop you from being a human being, for the sake of protection of the self. How can one pursue degrees, want riches, and status and other materialistic things without being a basic human being because the ego says so. I hope I can kill and anyone else can rid the ego order to become human again.


Yes. I just commented below and I feel the same way.

I do this a lot where I “want to help”. So much. But I end up not or hiding.

You’re right it is a cycle.

My family is like that (parents).

And now I am too.

Although really aware of it.

But don’t know how to humble because my family members are like statues.

I guess the point is not to look at others and their reactions. Do what you can for the good. Because it’s the right thing to do


I’ve been dealing with an oversized ego since I was a kid. Recently I was involved in a stormy passionate affair with a married woman at my
Job. She pursued me shamelessly.All the guys at work were envious of me. It was cool. Some wondered that I misunderstood her intentions, so I became defensive and decided to be loose with personal, sensitive information. My ego wouldn’t let think of her or anyone. She often asked me, “Why must you brag all the time?” “Why must people like you?” There are plenty of women. And I always crash and burn. My exceptional ego has finally got the best of me. Time to change. Researching and understanding is the first step… thank you


We say..
Watch your ego amigo..
Your ego is not your amigo..


I loved the article. It’s a subject that I’m very interested in and it’s my goal in life to gain egolessness (not sure if complete egolessness exists and/or is healthy). I’m also wondering about the purpose of ego. And the difference between egoistic and selfish. I think selfishness is needed (listening to your true self and making decisions based on that, doing what’s good for you), where egoism is feeding your ego no matter what even if you actually don’t gain anything, you can’t loose face.
I recently found out that my shyness and insecurity is also pure ego, although I always thought that I didn’t have a big ego, because I’m not arrogant. But being shy and insecure is my way of not letting my ego get hurt. So, lots to work on, but it’s a very interesting process.


Unfortunately I haven’t realized how much my egos out of control and ruling my life 🙁

I’m 26 turning 27 in a few months and I’m saddened to say I get offended easily when things don’t go my way. I set such high standards and get really disappointed when they don’t work out.

I’ve let my ego rule my life and it has caused immense pain.

I would do anything to have this ego broken.

What sucks the most is people don’t see me as egotistical.

Perhaps it’s because I seek to please everyone. And my struggles appear to make me seem humble. But I’m not.

It’s suffocating to say the least.

I’m unhappy. I don’t know how to escape this ego.

It’s create a giant barrier between myself and others. I don’t like my mom and brother because they are annoying, careless, lazy people who are only good at being negative and egotistical out in the open.

I dislike my family, have a hard time “loving” them yet I’m tied to them.

I don’t know what to do with my life. I’m chronically ill and not well.

My illness perhaps keeps me humbled.

I understand the importance of this life is about striving to be our best selves and therefore making it to the hereafter the life that truly matters by obeying God and ensuring we don’t break His Trust that he has given us. This world wasn’t meant to be perfect.

I really wish I was born into another family. A better one, but apparently when we were all souls we choose our family of souls. So I guess I choose my mission.

I wish I knew why I choose my family. I don’t like them. While at times I can and I live then. Just so MUCH has happened. I’m tired. Worn out. Not getting results I seek.

I don’t know how to create my own life. School wise. Health wise. Career wise. And relationship wise. I suck. I’m always told how wise I am. Strong I am. I’m told I’m a “good girl”. But I want things to go my way!

I know better and I’m grateful to Fod for all the wisdom He’s bestowed on me. But how to be grateful when things aren’t changing!?!?? Sigh… I’m really impatient. I suck at focusing on myself.

If I were to choose between a bigger heart or a bigger ego I would obviously say bigger heart. But in reality I choose to have a bigger ego most times.

My actions and RESULTS hardly ever reflect that I choose a bigger heart. I choose to side with my ego and inflating it.

I’m so alone. Even when I’m around people. I don’t know how to connect with others. I have lost the ability to do so because half the time I’m busy worrying about being hurt (my ego hurting) versus actually getting the help I neeeeeeeed so badly.

I dream to one day be a coach. Seems like a very far away dream. Perhaps it is.


^I am a really proud person.

I don’t like expressing my emotions of needing love. Of letting my family know how much I feel hurt and disappointed in the way they live their lives. It hurts so much.

I’m like my dad in that regards. He isn’t expressive. I’m not either. I’ll be expressive in other ways. But I dislike being vulnerable.

I guess I don’t want them to know how much I need or love having a “normal family”.

It hurts a lot. I’m almost always in physical pain.

Maybe God just wants me to be more expressive and let the know.

But they’re so shut down. Not expressive and when I open up to them as I have in the past I was rejected.

They kept me at a distance.

I now I guess do that in my life too…


I realize my ego was in charge when I wanted to kill my self but still wanted to be alive.. So I hade to kill my ego and live my life.. The cost was losing wife and kids. But I’m happy I’m here and my kids can chose to visit me in life thrn a grave stone!


I have a lot of ego in me, I want to let it out


There’s a huge difference in being right about facts and being right about feelings. It’s very important for everyone to understand and agree to facts. Those ARE right or wrong. How people FEEL is what is not up for debate. Getting these things mixed up, conceding facts for the sake of another’s feelings, can be epically damaging. It can even be fatal, as in the surgery example. I want to be right about facts as much as possible, but I am still compassiand understanding of other people’s feelings and respect their dignity and humanity. Very, very different things.

Marissa Springer
November 28, 2018 3:47 am

i think my ego is in control and all that is true for me I WANT TO BE NORMAL!!!!!!!!
soo ya


I do #2 A lot… I’m working on it. I am learning to back down from heated arguments. I’m learning I don’t have to make sure my point is understood. I have to learn to speak my truth and let it be.


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