If you have ever found yourself searching for love and not been happy with the results then this article might be just what you’re looking for.
The thing is, there’s one thing that no one tells us when it comes to finding love. We spend our entire time looking out there, for the right person to turn up. We wonder where we will meet that person, what they will look like, what kind of qualities they will have and why that person isn’t here yet?
Our entire focus is on the other person. And yet this is where we go wrong. Instead of focusing on ourselves, the part that we have ultimate control over, we focus on someone else.
I’m a big believer in empowering people. I truly believe that everything we need is already within us – we just need to dig deep to find it! So I just can’t see anything empowering about resting the success of our love life on someone else. We need to take the reigns, take a hold of our power and focus on ourselves first, and the rest will fall into place.
Anyone, absolutely anyone has the capability to find love. In-fact finding love, is the easy bit. The bit that no one knows about is the preparation for finding love. We need to be prepared.
How to be prepared for love
If you have been looking for love and nothing is happening I can guarantee that there is some kind of belief blocking your results. Our belief systems are how we view the world. They dictate what kind of lives we end up living and if you have an out dated belief about love, then it’s highly likely you will have an out dated love life (or non-existent one!).
What kind of beliefs am I talking about? Well it’s likely that you won’t even know what your beliefs about love are. You see, most of the time these beliefs are hidden away in our subconscious mind. So we’re not even aware of them! So if you’re reading this now saying, “I don’t have any out dated beliefs, I really want a relationship!”, then I would urge you to think again. The reason I know this to be true is that if you really and truly 100% wanted a relationship with absolutely no blockages or barriers or hidden beliefs, then you would have one. For sure. It’s actually very easy to get what we want. It’s the ‘convincing ourselves that we really want it’ part that’s tricky.
Out dated beliefs about love
Out dated beliefs about love are often picked up during childhood, so it often can help to look to your parental figures to identify what your beliefs might be. These beliefs can also be picked up from certain events or circumstances in our life, such as previous relationships. For example if we were at one time in an unhealthy relationship then we might have a hidden belief that ‘ALL relationships are unhealthy.”
Think about this for a moment. If we have the belief that all relationships are unhealthy, just how likely are we to go out and find a new relationship? Even if on the surface we are telling ourself that we really want to find love, it’s highly unlikely that we will ever find love if this belief is getting in the way.
How to identify your hidden beliefs about love
So how do you find out what your hidden beliefs are when it comes to love? Well, the most important thing is to make sure you’re dealing with your subconscious mind, not your conscious mind. I often use Ericksonian Hypnotherapy with my clients to get them into the right space, however, you can try to just take a few deeps breaths and clear your mind. If you have a regular meditation practice, then meditation is a great way to get you into the right space too.
Once you feel like you’re calm and relaxed simply ask yourself the following question:
What do I think of when I think of the word ‘relationships’?
You can also get yourself to finish this sentence:
Relationships are ____________________________________
The trick here is to only write down what pops up immediately into your head, because this is your subconscious mind in action. So try to catch the very first beliefs that pop up and as soon as you start to analyse what you’re thinking about then you can ask the question again.
My bet is that you’ll be surpised by what pops up. If you notice the beliefs are negative in nature, then this means you need to work on these beliefs to prepare yourself for love. Here are some common out dated beliefs that people have about relationships:
* Relationships are hard
* Relationships are difficult
* I’m not ready for a relationship
* I don’t want a relationship
* I don’t deserve a relationship
The problem with these beliefs is that they literally block you from finding love! So if you find out that you have any of these hidden beliefs then it’s time to make some changes.
How to start changing your beliefs
When I’m coaching clients I use an NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) technique to swiftly change beliefs. We don’t have that option here, but what you can do is develop a new belief of your own that you can then start to reinforce on a daily basis. So I find the best technique here is to take your current belief and look at what the polar opposite of that would be. So for example:
Relationships are hard
New belief (polar opposite):
Relationships are easy
Once you have decided on your new belief, it’s simply a case of reminding yourself of this new belief ever day. So I recommend to my coaching clients that they repeat the belief first thing in the morning and last thing at night. If you can do this for a few weeks at least, then eventually you will start to change that belief.
Simple Life Strategy: How to Find Love
1. Identify your existing belief by getting yourself into a calm & relaxed state of mind
2. Then ask yourself what the word ‘relationships’ means to you
3. Note down what immediately pops up
4. One you have identified any outdated beliefs, try to find a better belief (the polar opposite)
5. Repeat this new belief to yourself every day for 2 – 4 weeks
If you know someone who is looking for love, please share this with them
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